Howdy-do, from San Berdoo!
Well, all my dear SBASers, I have a bit o' history in the makin' that I am achin' to share. We Sturdy Begging nomadic types have triumphantly traversed the mighty Continental Divide. But unlike those Epicureans in the Donner party, we got here with our butts undined. This very spring, whilst good Messrs Nodules, Pudding and Wyler successfully muck it up for all our mid-eastern friends at the 2nd Annual Virginia Renaissance Festival, Legs Akimbo and myself are doing the dirty for our brand new southwestern amigos here at the 35th Annual Southern California Renaissance Pleasure Faire. That's right, the Sturdy Beggars™ have prevailingly premiered at the very first Ren Faire in existence, the prime festive, the Mother of them all. Why, even with all of our 19 years in this "business" we call "show," here at this Faire we beggars are just pupstarts.
When we first arrived, we had a lovely chat with the one and only Phyllis Patterson, who originated this unique theme park theme back in 1963. Ms. Patterson approached a local radio station to co-sponsor a PTA benefit. She asked if they would care to throw a Medieval Festival in her back yard. The radio station balked at the sound of "mid-EVIL" and Ms. Patterson offhandedly offered forth, "Renaissance." Some high-concept man at the station thought "Renaissance" purred, and that is why there are over forty-odd Renaissance Festivals in this country today.
What's more, in this same geographic locale, shades of our ancestors pre-date Ren Faires! These ancestors performed a prototypical Mud Show®, which not only pre-dated, but was too shy to ask out, the Beggarazoic Period by several exclamation marks. That's right, L.A.'s famed LaBrea Tar Pits is alive and well with the histrionics of a Mud Showistic extravaganza of eras past. Here the compelling competition of the giant ground sloth versus the sabertooth tiger, vying for the glory and honor of their specific specie, is euphorically preserved in these pits of tar. Of course, it wasn't until the ingenuity of Homo Erectus Forwhichwestandus when the substantial substitution of mud for tar was enacted. This sublimely simple switch enabled the show to be performed several times a day with the same cast. How's that for more info than one would care to know?
So anyway, here we are in sunny San Bernadino, and as these two great pasts, the Mud Show® and Renaissance Faires, mingle in the present, we look forward to the future where all the glorious yesterdays of a brave tomorrow are alive and well here and now today.
love,
Billy Billy vonBilly


The 1997 Sturdy Beggar™ Season
Southern California and Virginia are glorious memories! Onward to legendary shenanigans in your vicinity! Wear your Sturdy Beggar™ T-shirt to the Faire and bask in the frothy adulation! (Specific rosters subject to change. Your mileage may vary)
The Bristol Renaissance Faire (IL/WI border) 12420 128th St./Kenosha, WI 53142 (708) 395-7773 or (414) 396-4320 ; 6/28 - 8/24 ; Spiney Nodules, Figgy Pudding, Billy Billy vonBilly
Oz Fest (Chicago, IL) Located this year in Lincoln Park ; (312) 929-TOTO 8/2 - 8/3 Jonny DeToxx, Helmut von Mudt
Renaissance Pleasure Faire of N. California (Novato, CA) 1410 Hwy 37/Novato, CA 94945 (415) 892-0937 ; 8/23 - 10/5 ; Billy Billy vonBilly, the more than most Reverend Ikey Noakes
The Great Ottumwa Duck Race & Summer Festival (Ottumwa, IA) "Right on the Raccoon River" 8/30 Lutilla Fair Dinkum, Helmut von Mudt
The Iowa Renaissance Festival (Des Moines) Located on the Fair Grounds / (515) 357-5177 9/13 & 14, 9/20 & 21 Jonny DeToxx, Helmut von Mudt
King Richard's New England Faire (Carver, MA) P.O. Box 419/Rt. 58/Carver, MA 02330 (508) 866-5391 8/30 - 10/20 (incl. Labor Day & Columbus Day) Hack Ptui, Halfwit Henry, Figgy Pudding
The Texas Renaissance Festival (Plantersville, TX) Rt. 2, Box 650/Plantersville, TX 77363 (713) 356-2178 or 1-800-458-3435 10/4 - 11/16 Halfwit Henry, Spiney Nodules, Figgy Pudding, Billy Billy vonBilly


What can we say?!? We still gots tons of cool Sturdy Beggar™ merchandise available for the SBASer who truly deserves something special, and you know who you are!!! Yes, you. Don't show up at your neighborhood Renaissance Festival half-dressed!...or maybe do, what the hey...but if you wear nothing else, wear a quality Sturdy Beggar™ Mud Show® T-Shirt!!! Be the envy of the teeming throng! Dance dashingly to your different drummer! These unique duds are as yet not available in any stores; only with the easily clipped coupon below can you make the scene in true Sturdy style. And remember, good mud patrons, all proceeds from sales of our T-Shirts and other collectibles go towards funding the continuing existence of the Sturdy Beggar Appreciation Society and the printing and distribution of this merry mailing, that damn Muddy Rag. So buy some fun and help us run! As it were.

Postcard from the Toiling Tan Twosome Out West
Jeeps, when Billy and I arrived in Southern Cal we didn't know what to expect. Being old Midwestern & East Coasty HoDads from way back, sure, we knew how to enjoy a clambake (bring melted butter and lemons!) or how to get a bonfire party rockin' (bring melted butter and effigies!), but who knew if our cool would be too hot, or too cold, or too fattening for our new friends? It is so hard to be new and different. Oh, how we worried. So, we decided at first to hang back and drink carrots and not get in anybody's way...since that's usually how people in the movies end up right in the thick of things. As it turned out, we weren't in a movie, so we started doing our show - you know, the Mud Show®. Hey, the proof is in the pudding (150 proof ala ancient Akimbo family recipe) and these Southern Calies are getting satirically snookered. So far. In any case, all indicators show that our comedic archeological instincts are on track; we've successfully unearthed their funny bone (along with some old pottery and utensils) and now the fear is behind us as long as we keep a firm grip on that bone. Wish us well - we're still working on catching a wave - then we'll be sitting on top of the world. To paraphrase J. Buffet, "the weather is here, I wish you were hot with a morning fog."
Love,
Legs Akimbo

DIDJA KNOW?!?!
Dancers from the Asaro valley of Papua, New Guinea, traditionally wear mud masks to raise tribal morale and frighten away enemies.
Submitted by Rott Wyler (the artist formerly known as Caesar)

Mudman Munchies
In past issues of that damn Muddy Rag, we've compiled beggar "fave" lists of books, videos, and music, and frankly all that thinking done made us MIGHTY hungry! In fact, we beggars are just about always hungry. Wet mud whets appetites. After a hectic day of mud daubin' and grovelin', we like to stumble back to our hovel du jour and wolf down some snacks post haste. Here's a sampling of preferred beggarly hors d'oeuvres:
Halfwit Henry: Hot Pickled Okra / Cherry Tomatoes / Unsalted Sourdough Pretzels
Figgy Pudding: Porterhouse / Cheez-Its / Ben & Jerry's
Hack Ptui: Tortilla Chips & good HOT Salsa Picante / Cape Cod Potato Chips (or Salt & Vinegar chips) / Baked Stuffed Quahog
Jonny DeToxx: Peanut M&M's / Take-out Chinese / Warm Sprite
Rott Wyler: Pork Rinds / IBC Black Cherry Soda / a Apple
Spiney Nodules: Dried Cranberries / Summer Fruits / Microwave Popcorn
Legs Akimbo: RC Cola / Moon Pie / French Fried Pataters (Mmm Hrmmm)
Billy Billy vonBilly: Fresh Squoze Vegetable Juice / Celery / Hommous
Helmut von Mudt: Chocolate Covered Pretzels / Juju Bees / Strained Beets

Wakka Ding's Wacky-Doo Movie Review
Hey, what's shaking, bros and broettes! Wakka Ding Hoy in the house, checking in. You know, I checked out of the beggar action scene last year to make room for my main man, HalfWit Henry. (I love that dude, I feel like he's a part of me. Truly.) Why split? Some may wonder, most don't care. Me, I don't remember. I'm sure I had my reasons. Good ones, too. Or not. Whatever.
The point is; what have I been doing during my self-imposed exile from the lands of mud and fun? It's time that I've tried to use wisely for self examination and improvement, reflection, introspection and meditation. But mainly I go see movies. And I've gots to tell you, these flicks today, dude, I just don't get them. Like that Bruce Willis sci-fi thingy, "The Fifth Elephant," man, I sat throught that one like twice and I didn't see a single pachyderm, let alone five. What's up with that? Sure, the one buncha aliens had big ears and the other buncha aliens had the shambling gait thing going for them, but if they were elephants, I'm Dumbo! Anywho, the surf is up, so I, your faithful Hawaiian Poi Boy, must sign off for now. See ya at the movies! Popcorn's on you! (Clean it up, you're a mess, dude.)
Wakka Ding Hoy

A Beggarly Call To Thrills & Glory
What a lark it's been cobbling together all those editions of that damn Muddy Rag - nine?!? Whoda thunk! - and the Holiday postcards and stuff...and we've really enjoyed meeting and jawing with random representatives of the SBAS at large ...but, as we've stated, the club is fast outgrowing the clubhouse, and outside of our feeble efforts at mail order madness, we're at a loss at how to raise funds to perpetuate this Ragged Glory.
But, lo! What is this?!? A glance at our membership roster shows most of you have beggar names!..Yea, verily, you are clearly eager benchwarmers, ready to be slapped on the dusty shoulder and sent into the fray! So be it! It's time to earn your muddy monikers. Time to apply your natural beggarly talents on unsuspecting friends, family, enemies, strangers, et al. Get wryly wretched, give a wee grovel (not too much, leave 'em wanting more) and hit someone up for a measly dollar or two, and then send it to us, muddy and crumpled as it should well be. Feel the rush of receiving a successfully wheedled pittance!
Hey, a begged buck shall equal a years dues/subscription, eh wot? (buy a T-shirt = Lifetime sub.) Let's give it a shot. Remember, raw recruits, miserable appearance and witty repartee are gold. Warm up before extensive groveling. Grabbing ankles is effective if controversial. And never, never eat mud... unless you pass the hat first. Salut!