Rookie Haze
By Big Harry Lumpyn

Occasionally we mud men get inquiries via snail and e-mail, or even in person, regarding the procedures in place for applying to join our rank ranks. Bless the eager hearts of those sweetly delusional fans… the Mud Show sure is fun, and odd folks at loose ends with relevant or absolutely no experience sometimes get inspired to aspire to emulate our patented antics, and who can blame 'em? Fact is, though, our recruitment standards are strict and secretive and firmly based in the sound science of Dumb Luck and Dire Necessity. Over the years we've swollen our ranks as needed through natural processes, usually assimilating simpatico friends from similar walks of life, folks sharing our inherent philosophies, performing experience, and utter lack of judgement. Our show has evolved mightily from the more free-form early days when we'd field teams of five to seven beggars, to it's present time-tested format featuring two or three veteran mud daubers. The short answer to those compelled to submit their tattered, questionable resumes is: sorry, maybe next decade. Over the past ten years, we've only recruited three new Sturdy Beggars, and thought it might be vaguely enlightening to hear of their ascension to glory in their own garbled syntax. Dr. Schmutzig, Bob, Lucky, the floor is yours…