Mud Show FAQ
By Spunky Jitters

And now, something that has been done before, and better! While my beggar brethren will simply shake their shaggy heads and snort with contempt and disgust at yet another blatant display of over-reaching and obvious pandering, I will attempt to answer, all in one place, the common questions we get as Beggars. We mud men are not shy: perhaps you may have had one of us cling to your leg in rapt attention before. In this simple act of social intercourse with the more attractive people we happen upon the most common questions: what is really on the mind of the disinterested, bewildered, financially endowed Patron? Here they are, in order of frequency!

1. Where is the bathroom?

Forward until you hit the Beer Booth. Shimmy a little to the left; on the building itself and behind the green shrub. Don’t get caught, but if you do, at least it’s still 3 squares a day and a roof in jail. And they even provide a toilet!

2. What the heck is a “Mud Show?”

That depends on who you ask. I usually say “it’s a comedy show that is performed in and around a pit full of mud”, to which the response is usually “Ew, yuck!” , but with the advent of gross-out shows on TV such as Fear Factor, now the usual response is still pretty much “Ew, yuck!.” Any attempts to pry further information from me usually results in this response: “Well, you’re interested in more? Go see the show!”

3. Do you really eat the Mud?

Remember, we are strained professionals and have a vague idea of what we’re doing. What was the question?

4. Is there naked women in your show?

No, you sick little monkey. Just in our trailer afterwards. Ladies love a dirty man.

5. Do you wrestle?

No, we believe in world peace, and resolving conflicts like adults. Really immature adults.

6. Is there naked women wrestling in the mud during your show?

No, but you wish, you introverted, shallow dweller of your mother’s basement. It’s a Renaissance Festival, not the Playboy Channel! LOOK, just come see the show, and all your questions will be exacerbated. We’ll save you a seat. That’s a FAQ, Jack!